i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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