you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The struggles of a small town man whore
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
