It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
