Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
