I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
