Whod you bang
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Randomize
