i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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