We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
