She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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