on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
