i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
