In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
