omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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