I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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