Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
