the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
