Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
