do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
