God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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