so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
