I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
