im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
