If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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