I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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