I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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