so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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