dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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