your thong is hanging out like whoa
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
