You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
