Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
