we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
