Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
