At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
