Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
