im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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