u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This baby is an asshole
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
