yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
