Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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