I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
