Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Panties = found
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
