We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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