I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
