Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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