end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pappa wants mamma naked
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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