How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
