I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
