Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
