...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this just has baby written all over it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
