I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
