Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
