Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
