So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
