So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
