She said her name was "party"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
