my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
