Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
