According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
