i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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