she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
